Reflections on a Higher Power

In this essay, I write on my thoughts on God (cue Blue Cars) from my perspective from a few decades of sobriety, as an ethnic Jew (paternally, wrong side), a Catholic (again paternal side) and a consumer of cable TV archaeology documentaries. I don't claim scholarship. There will be no references to check. If you don't like that, stop reading now.

In Europe, my people were forced to become Lutherans, and after the 30 Years War, Catholic. My grandmother's family has been Catholic since, but there are a lot of Jewish last names on my grandmother's side (Fuchs, Lieb, Dasenberg). Bindner derives from the name Bittner (in English, Cooper), which is both Saxon and Yiddish. The name Bindner is the Luxembourgish version, with that second n making it closer to Bodner (Yiddish) than Binder (German) in my estimation. The Pittner family name is the Argentine variant or Tonelero or Varela in Spanish. 

The idea for this essay came from considering whether I wanted to binge watch the next season of Lucifer tonight on Netflix (the new season is out). The concept of Lucifer evolved from being the angel whom God uses to test the metal of people with adversity (hence the fires of Gehenna) into the Zoroastrian world of angels and devils. 

This led my thoughts to the the damnation narrative of the Book of Revelation. Revelation was a criticism of the Gentile church of Paul and his successors, who had departed from the purity of the original Church in Jerusalem which was led by the brother of Jesus from a different mother. Jerusalem had been sacked by Rome and John of Patmos was pining for its restoration. Enter Hell. Just as the image of Lucifer evolved, so did the image of God.

The first appearance of an eternal, ineffable, God was in the burning bush. God says He was Who is. That is a fancy way of saying that He (and/or She) is Being itself. In other words, God is everywhere and in everything. This is underlined by the Commandment that there be no graven image of God (indeed, the devout are not even allowed to write the word, instead G_d is used. Of course, if everyone knows that it means God, you may as well put in the "o".  

This idea that God is everywhere, is not limited, was and is the unifying principle of Judaism and similar faiths. Digging around the Holy Land has found that Sinai has found no evidence of a large national settlement, although one show has found that at Mt. Horeb, something like 12 large rocks (representing the 12 tribes) was found and that Horeb is a much more impressive mountain, visually - but still, no Cecil B. DeMille ruins. This is another way of saying that the idea, not the events, are what is vital - what gives life.

Ruins in Israel prior to the Exile (to Babylon) show that people kept house gods (indeed, there was even Ashura, who was the bride of YHWH, who also had statues). After the Exile, there were no such statues. They  also show that at some point, the god-kings of Canaan were displaced by a society where there was no king. The Bible calls this the period of the Judges. 

Whether this was due to invasion or revolution cannot be proven. The myth is the former, the reality is likely the latter. Regardless, the Book of Joshua states that the Tribes eventually stopped going around Canaan sacking cities and began living in peace with the locals. This adds credibility (to me) to the revolution theory rather than invasion. 

During the Exile, the Pentateuch was consolidated. When Ezra and Nehemiah rebuilt (or built) the Temple of Solomon, the people gathered (as they supposedly did at Horeb) and accepted the Law. The myth is that Moses gave us the Torah. The reality, according to biblical scholarship, is something different.

This is something that should be stressed in how we treat the Palestinians in modern Israel - especially because we Ashkenazim are ethnically more European than Middle Eastern. It is likely that the same people, generally, who were Canaanites were then Israelites, with some taken to Iraq, returned with all accepting the national idea, with the Samaritans excepting Christianity in the first century CE, and most when Constantine made it that state religion. Then the Muslims came and people accepted that. Is I stated at the outset, how you pray is often a function of who conquers you or tries to murder you (which is the same thing).

Next, the action shifts to Jesus. Part of why he was rejected was because he claimed to put a face on the ineffable God. How can the omnipresent be a person? Those who believe in his resurrection do so because they believe that the people who saw him raised were not lying and that this group became the Church (before the second Century, apostles were everyone who saw the risen Jesus, instead of just the shepherds (which can be rendered as Overseer which can be pastor or bishop - when cities had more than one congregation, Clement of Antioch made it mean the latter and Christianity has not recovered since).

In the early days, the Mandala, which was an image of Jesus' face, was displayed on Holy Days in the East. When it disappeared, the Shroud appeared. It is believed to be the same thing. Paintings of Jesus have a commonality that can be traced to the Mandala. Such paintings, with paintings of saints, became Icons. The iconoclasts did not like that. The Jews and Muslims were still honoring the command not to show images of God, which includes Jesus. The next generation said that the image is a link to the divine, so that it may be venerated as such, but not worshiped. 

Then the practice of Eucharistic Adoration evolved and host as transmission of Jesus to the people, making them the body of Christ, became God. There is no way of knowing. Jesus is experienced in Communion by those of us who believe in the real presence, but the test is consumption. What happens before cannot be known, only believed in common agreement. I have never found any comfort in Adoration, but experience my higher power in consumption. 

I believe that the Rabbi of Caphernaum would be aghast at becoming a graven image. He believed he was one with the father, but in Communion we were one with him. He also believed in the spirit of the law, not the words. The iconoclasts, both in Constantinople and Istanbul, were adhering to the words, not the spirit, which is that God is in being and word and love - not in an object. The people who wrote the words were trying to convey that as an ideal, not as a prohibition. 

We like our idols, our representations of God - including his words written down in the Gospels, the Torah and the Koran - or the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. The debates between using the Big Book and 12 Concepts & Twelve Traditions is an extension of that. This essay sprang to mind while reflecting on the fact that, in modern times, even those who would paint only geometric designs on their mosques now freely carry pictures of religious leaders and watch images on television. 

Images are both a reflection of the divine and an expression of tribe. The ideal of a universal God is to go beyond tribe and find the Truth, especially the Truth of Being in Love (capitalization reflects my Trinitarian beliefs. Even Athieists and Agnostics value Love as the ultimate value to live by. The belief in a Trinity is not so different from the 1000 names for Allah or the many terms for Ashem or Shekinah (the divine feminine) or Sophia (divine Wisdom - which in ancient Suomic is Alita or TaLetta - my Norse grandmother and second great grandmother's name). 

Ultimately, the name or names we have for God are expressions of how we relate to God relating to us. We cannot know the truth in this life, so we should quit fighting about it. Twelve Steppers believe in allowing each to have the God of their own understanding. It is why some cringe when people say Jesus in meetings and why some do not use the Lord's Prayer (which Catholics call the Our Father), because it implies Jesus as higher power. 

The problem is not the words, it's the sectarian title. Even the use of the original title implies sect. Calling it the Carpenter's Prayer would be more inclusive. I like thinking of it as the Rabbi of Caphernaum's prayer, which is what he was doing when he gave the Sermon on the Mount.The root translation for the word in the Greek is more akin to day laborer - the kind that congregate at 7-Eleven than the skilled middle class tradesman. We like gods we can relate to. Jesus wanted us to find him in the poor. 

With time in sobriety, I have my own beliefs (which are of a humanistic Jesus) and a communal one, which is being an Agnostic Pantheist - meaning I am not out to convert anyone. Lately, I am partial to using the Hebrew feminine form Shekinah, which can be identified with the Spirit as well. 

"Recovered Catholics" have a problem with the rules, Mass attendance and prayer requirements of their childhoods. These are sourced by the teachings of St. Anselm, who believed in a transactional salvation (obey and you go to Heaven) rather than what Jesus actually taught (the Spirit of the Law giveth life). My reading of the Gospels comes up with crucifixion as vision quest, not offering. Instead of God killing Jesus out of spite, Jesus experienced the pain we feel in this existence, so we could relate back to God.

The Church teaches that God cannot look upon evil, so we must be purified. I believe that God does not see evil. My HP accepts me as I am and am not (She has no stake in how I behave other than Love) - with humility accepting that this is true and that I must understand others in the same way. To do either requires the assistance of God, as these are impossible ideals, not a license to avoid working on defects of character, which are things that I cannot change. God can change me. 

This is no cop out. My focus is must not be on me, but on how I treat others - which must be as God sees them. My defects show how I am not so good at that, but my focus must not be on others, not my discomfort with myself (or Mice Elf). The Seventh Step prayer says nothing about my working to fixing myself. Takes divine help.  Step 12 means I am not to fix my cab driver, my barista, my daughter or my ex-wife. It takes a long time to see that i sobriety. We learn by doing, not by thinking. 

How I treat others reflects or is reflected by how I see my higher power - and that is always a work in progress. I am still not fine with the state of the world I am wired by genetics to like and be good at politics and public service. God has not removed that from me. Whether She does or does not, or when, is none of my business. Thank you for letting me share. If I keep coming back, I will remember this growth. If I don't, I will try to get drunk and kill myself before I get to how Gin made me feel when I was 11 (note capitalization). Gin drunks are the worst. If you like gin for the taste, there is something seriously wrong with you. If you like the taste of Gin, find me after a meeting. I will give you my phone number.

PS, funny story. I had read in Susan Powter's book that she thought 12 step programs were a Protestant cult. In my first day of aftercare, the counselor asked if I had been to any meetings. I said no, just another fellowship and he said there was one after the session across the street - which was my parish church. I figured that Monsignor Awalt would not let a protestant cult in his basement - so the joke was on me.

I have a nice way of closing. Baruch atah Adoni Elihenu, grant me serenity......