Raising Catie

Interesting question - is it better to avoid memories and the inherent sense of loss that comes with them as life moves on or to avoid those things with such poignant memories.  Actually, not sure you can avoid them, as you will always remember something, even as the people who helped generate them move on or grow up into different people.  I say yes, even though I may need better meds to handle the regretting part of perfect recall (although that recall might be just the result of dwelling on things or having good pictures).  Indeed, no one was taking pictures the last two days of the Geissinger kids helping me move.  It was priceless and aggravating, but they got it done a lot quicker than me doing it alone or even with their parents.

Still, this is not about lost friends or friends who will be lost before you know it - but about raising my daughter as a stay at home Dad for two and a half years - where the fun part is really the summer after  moving into our new condo (not that our afternoon outings to the neighborhood park or to Starbucks were not precious. Of course, some days we would require rescue to get home in the dark.  Still, let us continue.

I was looking at George Takei’s wall and some share about fathers and kids.  I don’t have lots of pictures, because I had so much fun living the events.  I just have my memories and stories.  Here are a few:

No one was taking pictures of the best times with my baby girl - and now she does not remember. I do and I cherish them, though I do miss those times (and that hurts).


She does not remember (and I wish I had a picture) of her old swim suit for babies. She also had on water wings and would swim way above her head in the shallow end - then she got out and stepped into the deep end. I was shocked but surprised. She also had a little friend, the nephew of the community manager and they were thick as thieves all summer. Five years later (he moved away) he came back and neither remembered the other, but his mother and I remember everything, including the harmonic screams. She does remember when I would grab her and push her backward in a circle around me. We did that every year until she was too big. (two years ago)  She went to the pool a few times this year - and is a good swimmer. I did not go at all, sadly. Too tired from working nights and too emotionally fragile from my depression.  Of course, the sad thing for my wife is she had to be at work and missed all those things (if she had been there, there would have been pictures - actually there are some - wow is my back hairy

We also played football, just a few times, when I was teaching her how to fall on a fumbled ball. She did not get it at first, but then she got the hang of it and later asked to play fumble (since that is what I would yell when the ball was loose - of course if she got the ball I very gently tackled her.

Funniest thing, however, was her first word. She would say tickwah, tickwah, ticwah of a few months. Finally, I got it and said tickle? then she got it and said tickle? Apparently, she liked to be tickled and we would say tickle, tickle tickle when we would tickle her. Of course, after she got the word, some of the magic was gone - so not mommy, not daddy, tickle. Of course, we told her the story so now she says it occasionally, just for fun. One time, after dinner, I was holding her and saying, high maintenance, high maintenance and she thought it was the funniest thing. She laughed so hard she projectile vomited all over me. No so funny then, but more true than ever. Back to tickling, was she grew up I would tickle her and when she would back away I would psychically tickle her by moving my fingers. She still lost control laughing, but did not throw up

Then there is the F bomb. After we moved into the condo when she was 18 months old, I had put out a rebate application and then took my wife to work. When we got back, I noticed it had been taken, but not by the mail man and promptly said Fuck It. She immediately parroted me and said the same thing. Now when we get together, she overdoes it on the bomb. The most funny incident, however, was when she was 3 - doubt she remembers. We were sitting at the table and Catie was deciding what she wanted to eat - standing at the fridge with the door open. Moira tells her to close the door and she says what her mother had said once - I just want some Fucking Lunch! I laughed because I knew the source, who was quite embarrassed.

That is just a few memories of year - and the reality is the brain eliminates most - unless you are like me.  Still, these are the ones I like to dwell on, although post moving to a different state, it is hard to have the memories and not the daughter who helped make them.  We will work something out, I am sure.  You kind of have to - its not like there is a choice.

 The other fun one was when we put her in her room behind a gate, she did not like it and was finally old enough to pull it off the door posts, whereupon she brought it in to our room and said "bad gate."

We also used to play flying baby where I would Lau on my back Ald hold her in the air and let gravity take effect until she was a few inches above me. She always laughed

She was old enough to to remember it until she was too big to do it. I used to have a song to go with it. (Don't cry, it's a happy memory). It was"look at the girl girl with the Golden hair, and the big blue eyes, and the button nose." The hair is more sandy brown and the nose is no longer a button, but the eyes are still blue.

Last year, she wanted to see this with updates about our political life. These are fond ones too.
Even before she was born, she was politically active. When our friend, Pat Troy, ran for Alexandria City Council, Moira was just starting to show. She was 5 or six months pregnant as we worked the polls for Pat at the fire station on Washington Street.

Almost a year later, I was working the same polling place with Catie Bindner in her Baby Bjorn on strapped to my chest as we were campaigning for Wes Clark in the Virginia Democratic Primary in 2004. That was just before he ended the campaign. She was his youngest and last poll worker. I think she was also with me, but in her stroller, for John Kerry in November. If Wes would have been the VP, John would have won, especially because he would have kicked Cheney's ads all over the floor in the debates. (Hillary should have picked Booker too). Clark's father, like mine, was a Jewish Catholic, while being less of a pander than Lieberman.

A few years later, I was at a fund raiser with Wes for a friend of his in Congress from when they were in the Army together (the Congressman had been his aide). I showed him a picture of Catie and told him the story of her being his youngest campaign worker. He loved it. Interestingly, that Congressman had to step down a few years later when it became known that he would have tickle fights with his interns.

In 2006, Catie was in her stroller with me at the Library working for Jim Webb in the primary. After he won the nomination, I was very active in the campaign. She noticed. It was obvious when an add for Jim played on TV and Catie yelled to Moira "it's Daddy's Jim Webb.". She was on my shoulders at Jim's last rally with Bill Clinton before Election Day. Jim Moran was hosting the rally. Afterward, we went down to the garage to see the former President leaving. Moran was there. Catie remarked "you have Jim Webb but that is my Jim Moran." Moran is a long time friend. He also got a kick out of that story when he saw us a year later at the Del Ray neighborhood Halloween parade.
She kept her interest in politics up. When she took baths back after the 2012 election, she would line up the toys and make unkind remarks about Mitt Romney and his intellect as she whacked them into the water.

She has been on CNN. I used to post comments on Jack McCaffery's on air blog. Occassionally, they would get used. One of them was about the middle class. In January 2010 Carol Costello's producer, Bob Ruff, noticed one and called to pick my brain about what I had written. That became the meat for a story they did about the plight of the middle class, which included an interview with me and Moira Bindner in our apartment. They used Moira's comments more than mine. We also did an outdoor shot of the three of us walking outside as the snow was falling. Very cute. Two years later We did another interview. I was a bit angry at Obama for not doing more for underwater borrowers. The only shot they used was Moira and I going through a stack of bills and separating them into pay and no pay. That fall, I wrote a CNN blog post on middle class issues. Moira got a 3 interview gig the morning after each debate giving her reaction. You can still find them on YouTube.

I put out a book dedicated to Catie just before she was born. It remained dedicated yo her in each edition, though I added a few people to the dedication page for different purposes, nut the same reason. When Cate was a baby, I did an edit yo make the language more direct, taking out the woulds and shoulds. I did my edits sitting on a bench by the Potomac with Catie next to me in her stroller/baby carriage. We would then go to Starbucks as the hours got longer. For the next few years we would go to the same Starbucks sometimes after play dates with two other one year olds in the local park. We had a picture of the three of them sitting in a row on a blanket. Ever try to get 3 toddlers to sit still for a photo?

She still follows politics. Life father like daughter. It is usually her best subject in school. That and PE, which was never mine.